That is how we do it: ‘I’m into meditation and I’m sensual – a therapist referred to as me a attractive monk’

Ben, 58

I can management my orgasms and separate them from the bodily ejaculation

When Lena and I first met, 11 years in the past, I used to be nonetheless married, however felt misplaced and a bit alone in that relationship. Lena and I knew nearly instantly we had been purported to be collectively.

I’ve at all times been involved in spirituality and meditation. I’ve carried out Buddhism, tai chi, breath work – and I’m sexual and sensual. I need to meditate in a cave, however I additionally love girls. A therapist referred to as me a attractive monk.

Lena was additionally searching for a deep connection and, like me, she had been exploring tantra. I used self-pleasure, exploring the concept that ejaculation and orgasm are separate. I did that for a few years, and reached a degree the place I can management my orgasms and separate them from the bodily ejaculation. I observed that, as I obtained older, I might really feel bodily drained and wiped after ejaculating, so I wished to attempt preserving my power.

I can go three months with out ejaculating. I take advantage of breath work, as you’d with yoga or meditation, and contract the muscle mass across the perineum (as if you wish to cease your pee circulate), and suck the power up the again of the backbone. The sexual power needs to return out if you’re near orgasm, however I’ve discovered how you can flow into it utilizing my breath.

So when Lena and I’ve intercourse, it’s sensuous and concerning the contact and the motion.

We don’t actually do tantric rituals and we don’t observe teachings particularly – we simply concentrate on the expertise. The thought is to really feel current collectively, so we by no means make love very last thing at evening; it’s typically at lunchtime. We earn a living from home, so throughout our lunch hour we come collectively. We’ll do yoga twice per week, someday of weight coaching, and on Fridays we do a kind of attractive dance the place we’ll choose completely different music and dance collectively.

All these actions find yourself in lovemaking. With yoga, we’ll practise for 20 minutes after which cuddle, after which make love for 20 minutes till the alarm goes off and it’s again to work. We don’t at all times have penetrative intercourse; it may be simply mendacity collectively bare. I really like the contact of Lena’s pores and skin and being near her physique.

Lena, 58

As an alternative of specializing in ideas or respiratory, you utilize your lover as the article of focus

When Ben and I met, I had form of given up on assembly somebody. I wasn’t prepared to compromise. However I felt like we had been twin souls – we’re alike in our understanding of meditation and religious views on life. I’d dreamed of getting a tantric relationship so I used to be tremendous comfortable that Ben shared this.

For us, the essential precept is that tantra is a very simple means of meditating. Many people who find themselves passionate and luxuriate in intercourse get these advantages with out even realizing tantra. Many individuals love intercourse as a result of it’s the one place they get out of their very own head. And that’s actually what tantra is. As an alternative of specializing in ideas or respiratory, you utilize your lover as the article of focus.

I used to be fortunate once I met Ben, as a result of he knew how you can keep away from ejaculating. That was tough for me to know – how is it potential for him to have an orgasm that feels good with out ejaculating? However then I understood and, wow, it means you might be actually turned on and have intercourse differently: it’s not goal-oriented. That means intercourse is extra relaxed: you’re extra within the second and luxuriate in it extra. Actually, it’s about slowing down.

We didn’t need to let our love life endure as a result of we’re busy. We each have youngsters from previous relationships, however they’re grownup and we will simply be with one another. So now we have routines at lunchtime, and I’m typically stunned how rapidly we will join and have actually good intercourse. We put a timer on, which helps us calm down as we all know that may inform us when to finish. We begin at about 12.15pm, bathe afterwards, and are often again at work by 1.30pm.

Going by menopause has affected my libido at occasions. I’m a well being coach, so I’ve discovered herbs to manage these hormones, however it was difficult for us. I bodily didn’t really feel like having intercourse. However we stayed shut, being collectively and cuddling.
How do you do it? Share the story of your intercourse life, anonymously