My fiance fears intimacy – and we’ve solely had intercourse twice

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My fiance fears intimacy – and we’ve solely had intercourse twice

I’m a homosexual man who’s engaged. We’re each in our 30s, however my fiance comes from a Catholic background and is extraordinarily sexually repressed. He says that till he met me, he had solely had intercourse with a person as soon as, whereas drunk. We dwell collectively, however he has a worry of intimacy and we’ve solely had intercourse twice. He says he’s drawn to me however can’t get previous his repression. What ought to I do?

Altering the best way your associate feels about intercourse and intimacy isn’t more likely to occur quickly, if ever. You can attempt taking some incremental steps corresponding to introducing him to a homosexual Catholic priest who might be able to assist him put issues into perspective and relieve among the guilt that appears to have led to well-entrenched internalised homophobia.

However it could be extra necessary so that you can think about the truth that you’ve chosen to be with somebody who is essentially unavailable to you. Why do you suppose that’s? Generally folks unconsciously comply with patterns they realized in childhood, maybe by rising up with a distant or distant caregiver, or having an sad mum or dad whose makes an attempt at intimacy have been rejected by his or her partner. You need to be in a relationship the place you may take pleasure in wholesome sexuality with somebody who’s able to an affordable diploma of intimacy.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual issues.

If you want recommendation from Pamela on sexual issues, ship us a short description of your considerations to personal.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t ship attachments). Every week, Pamela chooses one drawback to reply, which will likely be printed on-line. She regrets that she can not enter into private correspondence. Submissions are topic to our phrases and circumstances.


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