Jimmy Kimmel on Trump’s hush-money trial: ‘Seize him by the mushroom, Stormy!’

Jimmy Kimmel on Trump’s hush-money trial: ‘Seize him by the mushroom, Stormy!’

Late-night hosts talked Fact Social’s dangerous week on the inventory market, Donald Trump’s dangerous day in courtroom and a brand new ballot on Individuals who suppose violence will clear up political divisions.

Jimmy Kimmel

In lower than 24 hours, Donald Trump had not one however three judges rule in opposition to him in three completely different instances, Jimmy Kimmel gloated on Thursday night. In Georgia, a choose rejected Trump’s declare that calling election officers to overturn the outcomes was protected by free speech. In Florida, a choose Trump appointed denied his argument that he was licensed to take labeled paperwork to Mar-a-Lago as president. And in New York, a choose rejected his try to delay the Stormy Daniels hush-money case.

“The choose dominated hush cash paid to an grownup movie star just isn’t associated to a president’s official acts,” mentioned Kimmel. “I’m fairly certain, and I’m not a historian, that that’s the primary time a choose has needed to say that.

“I really feel like all of us wish to see him taken down by the porn star one, proper?” Kimmel added. “Seize him by the mushroom, Stormy!”

The trial will start on 15 April. “It’s the primary time in historical past {that a} former president will likely be held accountable for dishonest on his taxes and his spouse on the identical day,” Kimmel quipped.

Within the Florida case, the choose heard proof that Trump saved labeled paperwork in quite a few locations. “Not solely did he have them at Mar-a-Lago, he had them at his home in New Jersey, he had them at Trump Tower in New York, he had them on his aircraft, in Eric’s bouncy home, within the envelopes for the birthday playing cards he by no means despatched to Don Jr, in MyPillow, he had them in all places,” Kimmel defined. “Which, in fact he had them in all places. Have you ever ever seen this man’s desk? It’s just like the backroom at Workplace Max.

“If I used to be him, that might be my protection – ‘your honor, I’m a slob, I don’t know what to inform you,’” he joked.

Stephen Colbert

“Neglect the outdated saying ‘April showers brings Might flowers,’ as a result of any longer it’s ‘April trials deliver me smiles,’” mentioned Stephen Colbert on the Late Present. That’s as a result of, regardless of 88 felony prices, Donald Trump has thus far confronted zero penalties. “It’s been one delay after one other,” he mentioned. “However that’s about to finish,” as a New York choose dominated on Thursday that Trump’s hush-money trial wouldn’t be delayed to attend for his supreme courtroom immunity listening to.

“Let’s go!” cheered Colbert. “The perfect half is, it’s a felony trial, so Trump must be there daily. Beginning April 15, we get to see Donald Trump having to see Stormy Daniels testify about having seen Donald Trump bare.”

In different information, a brand new PBS ballot discovered that one in 5 Individuals suppose violence might clear up US political divisions. “When reached for remark, one in 5 Individuals mentioned ‘you wish to go, bruh?!’” Colbert joked.

Colbert stood with the bulk, “and I proudly say … 4 on one, we are able to take these guys!”

And to assist shore up possibilities within the 2024 election, Trump and his allies are pressuring Nebraska to vary the way it awards electoral votes. “At all times a nasty signal when your marketing campaign technique is to bully particular person states,” mentioned Colbert. “‘Hey! Extra like Previous Hampshire, you dusty bitch. Now give me all of your electoral votes and return to 69-ing Vermont!’”

Seth Meyers

And on Late Night time, Seth Meyers regarded into Fact Social’s rollercoaster week on the inventory market, coupled with stories on Donald Trump’s billion-dollar internet value. “That is all paper cash thus far. It’s not actual but,” Meyers defined. “Simply as Trump’s internet value went up, it may come crashing again down, which is partially what occurred on Monday when the inventory value fell.”

Fact Social misplaced about $4bn in worth in its first week of buying and selling, taking $1bn of Trump’s internet value with it. “He principally misplaced everything of Taylor Swift’s internet value and, by the best way, she received that cash,” mentioned Meyers. “That’s not theoretical. She might purchase personal jets along with her debit card. And she or he made that cash from writing and performing, not from slapping her title on a money-losing Twitter rip-off. Though, she might undoubtedly try this. I’d be first in line to enroll in a brand new social media app known as TayTok.”

Why did the inventory for Fact Social tank? “Properly, actuality most likely caught up with it,” Meyers defined. “His firm’s worth is totally divorced from its underlying enterprise.” Fact Social generated solely $4.1m in income final yr, and misplaced $58m in 2023; its month-to-month person base is shrinking.

“So the corporate misplaced $58m and greater than half of its customers, and but when it went public, it was first valued at over $7bn,” mentioned Meyers. “I’m certain you’re asking how that’s potential, and there’s truly a wonderfully cheap rationalization, but it surely includes loads of complicated monetary jargon and a few very technical, obscure macro-economic rules that can take me a very long time to elucidate.” So he defined it: “The inventory market is bullshit.”

The true indicator that Fact Social inventory was nugatory, Meyers continued, was that many buyers have been betting the corporate would lose cash by shorting its inventory. “Once more, there’s no method Trump understands any of that,” he famous. “I assure when Trump’s aides advised him buyers have been shorting his inventory, he thought they meant that brief individuals have been shopping for his inventory.”

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