From the skin, Drew Petersen resides the dream. As knowledgeable skier, he’s paid to journey the world, ski powder, and make turns in entrance of a digital camera. It’s the life children dream of, but it surely isn’t the total fact.
Petersen, 30, has fought a lifelong battle with psychological well being, almost ending his life a number of instances earlier than searching for assist. He was recognized with type-two bipolar dysfunction, PTSD, melancholy, suicidal pondering, and publish concussion syndrome. With the help of a therapist, EMDR remedies, and mind rehab, Petersen cast a brand new path and began speaking about his struggles.
Petersen grew up in Silverthorne, Colorado, a small city of 4,940 residents located between Vail and Breckenridge, within the coronary heart of the Rockies. Along with his dad working as a ski teacher, Petersen was “all however born on a pair of skis,” he says. His dad and mom picked the city for snowboarding, serving to Petersen and his older brother make their first turns once they have been only a year-and-a-half previous.
“My upbringing was guided by the mountains,” says Petersen. Residing subsequent to the Gore Vary, he fell in love with snowboarding whereas chasing his dad and brother across the mountain. Petersen attended public faculty and performed staff sports activities, like soccer. “Life was fairly regular. I used to be extraordinarily nerdy with perfectionist tendencies. I attempted to excel in school and snowboarding so folks didn’t see what was mistaken inside my head.”
When he was 15 years previous, Petersen competed in his first ski comp, the US Extremes in Crested Butte. “I took second place and beat a bunch of men I had seen in magazines,” stated Petersen. The subsequent weekend he gained a contest in Taos and never lengthy after landed his first sponsorship. The next season he made it into Powder Journal, placing him on the quick observe in the direction of stardom.
Regardless of the accolades and a focus, Petersen was struggling internally. “I had a variety of concussions after I was younger, all the way in which again to elementary faculty,” he says. “Mind accidents don’t create psychological sickness, however they’ll exacerbate it. They overlapped with episodes of melancholy and my earliest suicidal pondering. The spiral fed itself. When you can’t get off the bed, you’ll be able to’t repair something.”
In the meantime, his success on skis continued. Petersen gained competitions, landed bigger sponsorships, and made a reputation for himself in outstanding magazines. After highschool, he moved to Salt Lake to attend the College of Utah, spending most of his freetime snowboarding within the Wasatch Mountains.
“From elementary faculty, my dream was to be a professional skier,” says Petersen, “by faculty it was beginning to come true, till the crash.” Petersen landed awkwardly whereas doing a cork 720, dislocating his hip and shoulder, tearing his ACL, and breaking his sacrum and ribs, which pressured him to maneuver residence for assist. “To be 19 and have your mother show you how to into the bathe is tremendous humbling.”
With a number of surgical procedures and a two-year restoration, Petersen misplaced all of his sponsors, however he continued to chase the dream. He returned to the game and once more discovered success, pushed by his ardour for snowboarding.
Years later, Petersen would study that this high-low rollercoaster was because of kind 2 bipolar dysfunction. “It’s outlined by hypomania. A number of power, not sleeping, plenty of partying, and doing issues with a excessive focus, like snowboarding,” he says. “Then a crash and a protracted episode of melancholy, which may final for months.”
The cycle repeated itself time and again. “I might pull all-nighters to cram for checks, ace an examination and drink onerous after, then get up early the subsequent morning to chase snow. Ultimately I might burn out. These have been the breaking factors of the manic episodes. My bodily physique would break below the psychological and emotional trauma I used to be going by way of.” Because of this, Petersen has had 13 surgical procedures in his life.
In Might 2017, Petersen was using a excessive once more. Over the winter he starred in ski movies, traveled to British Columbia, Japan, and Kyrgyzstan, and was making extra money than he ever had. However, on a ski journey to Mount Hood in Oregon, he was hit within the head by a falling rock, solely surviving because of his helmet.
Instantly after the accident, Petersen instructed everybody near him that he was okay, however he knew this time was totally different. “I had hid my struggles my entire life, using the highs and ignoring the lows,” says Petersen. “Earlier than the accident, my ideas weren’t dangerous sufficient for me to be scared. I thought of suicide, however knew I wouldn’t do it. Possibly that’s onerous for some to know.”
That modified along with his close to demise experiences on Hood. “I began to surprise why I used to be nonetheless alive. I wasn’t desirous about demise in a philosophical method, however in an actual one. I knew one thing was deeply mistaken.”
In August of 2018, greater than a 12 months after the rockfall, Petersen lastly requested for assist. “I used to be spiraling and my physique was breaking down below the psychological trauma.” After breaking his collarbone from a fall, Peterson known as his mother and brother to inform them he was struggling and ask them to carry him accountable for locating skilled assist.
Quickly after, Petersen discovered a therapist who he nonetheless sees at the moment. Over the subsequent two years, he started uncovering totally different diagnoses and suppliers. Ultimately he would undergo EMDR remedies, mind rehab, and bodily remedy for again ache and migraines. “I didn’t know there have been so some ways to assist your self,” he says. “There’s a instrument for no matter drawback you’re coping with. They will really feel summary, however all of them assist in some form or kind. Simply chipping away at every degree.”
After years of labor, Petersen has a brand new lease on life. “I’ve my oxygen masks on and will help others now,” he explains. Over years of reflection, he’s realized many elements performed into why it was so onerous to share his struggles with others. The disgrace rooted in suicidal ideas, melancholy, and psychological well being struggles was the principle purpose, however so was a social dynamic of poisonous positivity.
“My function fashions rising up by no means confirmed vulnerability,” says Petersen. “They’d chase the highs whereas snowboarding and proceed off the mountain, by no means displaying weak point. It was good vibes solely.”
The draw back of excellent vibes solely is that you simply all the time need to be stoked. The mindset doesn’t enable for the onerous, messy, and complex components of life. However, Petersen says, “typically I’m not completely satisfied. Typically I’m not dwelling the dream, and that’s okay. We have to enable folks to indicate up in an actual method.”
For that to vary, somebody has to open the door for others. “I’ve been placed on so many pedestals for a way good I’m at sliding on snow, however why can’t we additionally have fun the folks speaking about onerous issues?” Petersen is dedicated to sharing his story, as a result of, he says, “vulnerability begets vulnerability.”
“The tales of different folks have been instrumental in my braveness to ask for assist,” says Petersen. “Rob Krar speaking about melancholy and Corey Richards’ sharing his expertise with EMDR confirmed me you’ll be able to recuperate. They have been uncooked, genuine, and susceptible. They went deeper than simply saying psychological well being struggles. That’s why I discuss suicide. So folks like me know they aren’t alone.”
Whereas sharing his struggles continues to be troublesome, Petersen believes it’s going to create extra vulnerability in our communities and the long run technology. “I’m safe with the place I’m at. If I lose sponsorships for speaking, I’m fantastic with that. If my fact doesn’t vibe with somebody, or they view me as much less, I’m not going to cease. Folks want the reality.”
Supply hyperlink
