Late-night hosts sift by the US financial disaster posed by Donald Trump’s “reciprocal” tariffs.
Seth Meyers
Seth Meyers bemoaned a brand new financial actuality on Thursday after Trump applied sweeping tariffs on practically all international locations, “elevating costs for American shoppers, escalating a pointless commerce conflict and plunging the economic system right into a self-inflected meltdown. Let me verify my 401k – oh no.”
And the “early response is worse than the worst-case situation”, stated the Late Evening host, because the Dow plunged greater than 1,600 factors on the day after Trump applied the tariffs.
Meyers recapped how we obtained right here: Trump promised to decrease grocery costs in the course of the marketing campaign, but additionally to tax imports from different international locations, organising an inconceivable situation. “Tariffs increase costs,” Meyers defined. “You possibly can’t impose tariffs and decrease costs on the similar time. You possibly can argue that focused tariffs are price it for another coverage objective, however you possibly can’t argue that they magically convey costs down.”
“There was an irreconcilable contradiction between Trump’s two large marketing campaign guarantees, imposing tariffs and bringing down prices,” he continued. “And now we all know which a type of guarantees was actual and which one was bullshit. Spoiler alert: the dangerous one was actual and the nice one was bullshit.”
“What are we getting in return for all this financial ache?” Meyers questioned. “In some particular circumstances like metal or aluminum, you would argue that it is sensible to tariff imports from different international locations as a way to shield home American manufacturing. However in lots of circumstances, we import stuff from different international locations as a result of we don’t develop a lot of it right here,” resembling espresso or chocolate.
“It’s insanity, it’s irrational, it’s mafia-style governance designed to bully the world into submission,” he stated. “It’s a self-inflected financial disaster and it’s worse than the worst-case situation most specialists feared.”
“Trump is simply selecting a battle with the remainder of the world. That’s all he’s doing,” he concluded. “So in that sense, we actually are producing extra beef.”
Stephen Colbert
“Everyone feeling liberated?” requested Stephen Colbert on The Late Present. “As a result of … yeah. At this time was the primary day of buying and selling on Wall Road since Trump slathered our economic system in honey and staked it down subsequent to a fireplace ant hill.” And the Dow Jones nosedived 1,679.39 factors, becoming a member of the S&P 500 and Nasdaq in having their greatest drop since 2020.
“So, worst day for our economic system since Covid,” Colbert summarized. “Just a bit reminder: this time, he’s the illness.
“One bit of fine information popping out of all this: it’s all fairly stable proof that there isn’t any deep state,” he added. “As a result of if there was, they might’ve stopped this shit. But when they do exist, I simply wish to say to the cabal of monetary and governmental elites who pull all of the strings behind the scenes: perhaps put a pause in your 5G chip JFK Jr adrenochrome chemtrail orgy and bounce in right here, ‘trigger we’re fucking dying.”
People will instantly really feel sticker shock on imported merchandise, resembling espresso and parmesan cheese. “In order that’s it – over a century of financial coverage dumped in a ditch for no coherent motive,” Colbert lamented. “And what’s the president doing? He’s jetting off to Florida to look at golf.”
And in addition making an attempt to vaguely reassure the American folks. “I believe it’s going very properly,” Trump stated on Thursday. “The markets are gonna growth. The inventory is gonna growth. The nation is gonna growth.”
“Sure, growth, the standard sound for when every thing stays intact,” Colbert deadpanned. “And he’s proper. At this time the market fall down go growth.”
The Every day Present
And on The Every day Present, Michael Kosta examined how the US market misplaced $2.5tn in worth in a day. “$2.5tn vaporized,” he joked. “Your children’ school? Disintegrated. Your 401k given the dying penalty. Your pension waterboarded at Guantánamo. These shares your nana gave you 20 years in the past unintentionally stepped on a landmine whereas vacationing in Vietnam.
“Economists say we may very well be on the verge of a recession, so issues are wanting scary proper now,” he stated. “However don’t fear – the one factor the president is healthier at than negotiating is talking soothing phrases of consolation in instances of want.”
Particularly, Trump posted on Fact Social: “THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED, AND IS HEALING. THE PROGNOSIS IS THAT THE PATIENT WILL BE FAR STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE RESILIENT THAN EVER BEFORE.”
“Boy, I really feel so significantly better now,” Kosta deadpanned. “At all times reassuring when the surgeon comes out screaming on the high of his lungs: ‘the affected person is FINE!’
“Additionally, the affected person goes to be … larger? Was the surgical procedure a penis enhancement?” Kosta joked.
Nonetheless, Trump referred to as the tariffs “reciprocal” that means: “They do it to us so we do it to them. Quite simple.”
“Yeah, it’s quite simple, in that it’s merely not true,” stated Kosta. “The fact is that the numbers on his board usually are not the tariffs different international locations are charging us. They really signify the commerce deficit between the US and people international locations, that means we purchase extra stuff from them than they purchase from us.”
It means, he added, that “we’re mainly punishing different international locations from promoting us stuff that we need.”
