Late-night hosts delved into the mess created by the “division of presidency effectivity” (Doge) and chief Elon Musk’s horrible emails.
Jon Stewart
From his Monday evening perch on the Each day Present, Jon Stewart appeared into the brand new unofficial authorities group often called Doge, headed by “the Nick Cannon of white individuals”, Elon Musk.
Stewart admitted that he was “Doge-curious,” citing a video of Donald Trump claiming that “we’ve got to unravel the effectivity drawback, we’ve got to unravel the fraud, waste, abuse, the entire issues which have gotten into the federal government.”
“Now, for those who had woken up from a coma and heard nothing else that this man had stated for the final 10 years, you would possibly suppose to your self, I like this man,” stated Stewart. “I too imagine that authorities must be extra environment friendly. To weed out waste, fraud and abuse and ship the required companies that People depend on extra agilely. So what’s first?”
Based on Musk, firing 1000’s of civil servants and authorities employees, a course of which Stewart famous was “animated by malice for directors and seemingly rash, and infrequently chopping off essential authorities features out of haste”.
Based on Doge, the financial savings might be value it. Based on impartial estimates, the financial savings don’t exist. Amongst Doge’s many false claims of presidency waste, akin to social safety checks going to useless individuals (not true), the group has additionally grossly misjudged its financial savings.
However there’s cash for taxpayers to be discovered, Stewart defined, that Doge gained’t contact. “How about we simply take the $3bn in subsidies we give to grease and gasoline firms that already turned billions in earnings?” he fumed. “How about we simply shut down the carried curiosity loophole on hedge funds that’s value $1.3bn a yr? Oh, how about we cease the $2tn we’ve given to protection contractors to construct a fighter jet that blows, when all people is aware of the subsequent warfare goes to be fought with drones and … blockchain, no matter that’s.
“That is the place the true cash is,” he concluded. “The cash our free market-ish system makes use of to prop up company revenue on the expense of the taxpayer.”
Stephen Colbert
“Our federal workforce is within the clutches of a heartless billionaire who needs to colonize Mars with automobiles formed like his penis,” stated Stephen Colbert on the Late Present. “By which I imply cybertrucks – he ought to see a health care provider.”
Over the weekend, Musk despatched a mass e-mail to each federal employee, with the topic line “What did you do final week?” The e-mail instructed every employee to answer with “approx. 5 bullets of what you completed final week”. He adopted up by tweeting: “Failure to reply might be taken as a resignation.”
“Now clearly, the one correct e-mail response to that’s ‘what did I do final week? Your mother, your mother, your mother, your mother and your mother,’” Colbert joked.
“Besides don’t try this,” he added, “as a result of Musk goes to make use of AI to display these responses, so that you need to embrace key phrases like ‘your mother, synergistically; your mother, successfully; your mother, productively; your mother, effectively and your mother, teamwork.’
“In order that e-mail is insane,” he concluded, particularly because it was despatched on Saturday afternoon at 4.46pm ET. Musk labeled it: “significance: excessive.”
“The sender? Even larger,” Colbert quipped.
The objective, in response to one professional following the Doge layoffs, is “to dismantle democracy by traumatizing federal employees”.
“Good luck!” Colbert laughed. “Have you ever met a federal employee? They’re exhausting to traumatize. These are individuals who nonetheless use fax machines. They drink from a Mr Espresso that’s been in fixed use because the finale of M*A*S*H.”
Jimmy Kimmel
“What an absolute mess these scoundrels are making of our nation,” stated Jimmy Kimmel from Los Angeles. “The federal authorities is in unprecedented disarray, the mass firings proceed with no analysis. They’re simply leaping in, chopping off heads.
“It’s not simply that they’re firing 1000’s of federal employees, it’s the glee with which they’re firing them,” he lamented. “Ordinarily, you may have some compassion while you lay individuals off – you want them effectively, you thank them for the work. Not Maga, not the Doge bros. They’re throwing these career-long civil servants, lots of whom have labored these jobs for many years, out into the road like they’re fish rubbish.”
Kimmel additionally cited Musk’s government-wide e-mail demanding an inventory of “what you probably did final week”.
“It’s like the federal government is being run by Buzzfeed. It’s ridiculous,” he stated.
Trump, in the meantime, has spent $10.7m of taxpayer cash taking part in golf. “Trump has performed golf on 9 of his first 30 days of labor, when you’re making funds on an egg salad sandwich,” Kimmel fumed.
The president additionally “amped the hypocrisy up one other notch” by accusing federal workers who earn a living from home of taking part in golf on the job. “Donald Trump, a man who actually works from residence and is out taking part in golf as an alternative of working, saying ‘these earn a living from home workers are out taking part in golf.’ There’s virtually no parallel,” Kimmel stated. “It’s like Diddy complaining you’ve purchased an excessive amount of child oil.”
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