Title: Cocaine sharks.
Age: Juvenile and upwards.
Look: Aggressive and unblinking.
Oh, I feel I noticed this movie. There’s an opportunity. A low-budget horror referred to as Cocaine Shark was launched final yr, directed by Mark Polonia, the person behind titles similar to Shark Encounters of the Third Type, Cocaine Werewolf and the upcoming Jurassic Exorcist.
Are these actual movies? Sure, however that isn’t what we’re right here to speak about at this time. Neglect the films. There are actual sharks on actual cocaine within the Atlantic Ocean.
Legends? No. Marine biologists in Brazil examined 13 sharks close to Rio de Janeiro, and located that all of them had excessive ranges of cocaine of their muscle groups and livers.
Heat climate and free medication? Fortunate sharks. Pay attention, that is severe. The scientists accountable assume that the cocaine both got here from drainage from unlawful cocaine manufacturing labs, or from the excrement of cocaine customers that entered the waters within the type of untreated sewage.
Inform you what, sharks should go completely bonkers on coke. The scientists had been unable to discern any behavioural modifications within the sharks, however they do assume that it’s affecting their eyesight, which makes them much less environment friendly hunters, which implies that they may virtually actually die younger.
Oh. That doesn’t sound as a lot enjoyable as Cocaine Bear. What, the Elizabeth Banks movie a few bear that ingested industrial quantities of cocaine after which went on a hilarious rampage?
Yeah. The one loosely primarily based on an actual story wherein a bear ingested industrial quantities of cocaine after which died alone in confused agony, as a consequence of a mix of cerebral haemorrhaging, respiratory failure, hyperthermia, renal failure, coronary heart failure and stroke?
Is that really what occurred? Sure.
That’s truly a little bit of a bummer. This entire factor is a little bit of a bummer. And it’s taking place all over the place. In Hampshire, untreated sewage coming into the ocean has led to a surge of crabs, shrimp, oysters, limpets and worms with traces of cocaine, amphetamine, MDMA and antidepressants of their techniques.
Crikey. Final yr, an illegally bred serval cat was discovered with cocaine in its system in Cincinnati. And, in 2005 it was reported that squirrels in Brixton might have by accident ingested crack cocaine.
I want I hadn’t learn this now. It’s by no means as humorous because it first appears, is it? However don’t fear, there’s an enormous marketplace for movies about animals on medication now. I’m certain Crack Squirrel will probably be an enormous hit. Citalopram Limpet, possibly not a lot.
Do say: “Untreated sewage is poisoning wildlife with cocaine.”
Don’t say: “May we possibly dump some hashish into the ocean to calm all of them down a bit?”
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