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Stephen Colbert: White Home to ‘persist with its pandemic plan of not having a plan’

Stephen Colbert

With the primary doses of the Covid vaccine now reaching healthcare employees throughout the US, there may be gentle on the finish of the pandemic tunnel in time for the vacations, Stephen Colbert reported Thursday evening from Delaware, the place he was set to conduct the primary joint interview of Joe Biden and his spouse, Dr Jill Biden, because the election. The White Home, in the meantime, has “determined to stay with its pandemic plan of not having a plan.”

On Wednesday, it was revealed that former Home and Well being Human Providers advisor Paul Alexander urged high well being officers over the summer time to undertake a “herd immunity” strategy to Covid-19, which might’ve allowed thousands and thousands of Individuals to be contaminated, “thereby altering the Division of Well being and Human Providers to the Division of Hell and Human Sacrifice,” Colbert quipped.

Alexander’s plan – let the virus run rampant, utilizing an idea of “herd immunity” usually utilized to vaccination campaigns quite than infectious illness outbreaks — would outcome within the deaths of almost 3m Individuals. “In case your plan to save lots of humanity includes killing thousands and thousands of individuals, you’re not a well being advisor. You’re a Marvel villain,” Colbert mentioned. “So clearly, it’s extra necessary than ever that we simply get to the inauguration.”

Within the waning days of his presidency, a stewing Trump has reportedly thought of issuing blanket pardons to his workers, with requests logged on a spreadsheet; one White Home insider informed CNN that Trump’s last-minute pardon scramble has “turned loopy.” “I’m sorry … turned loopy?” marveled Colbert. “That is the president who suggested folks to inject bleach, mentioned {that a} useless Venezuelan chief stole the election, wished to commerce Puerto Rico for Greenland and wished to cease hurricane with a nuclear bomb. We made the flip to loopy city a very long time in the past, now we’re simply doing donuts in cuckoo canyon.”

Seth Meyers

On Late Night time, Seth Meyers panned Biden’s optimistic imaginative and prescient of a cooperative bipartisan future following Trump’s removing from workplace. Biden is “making an attempt to enchantment to Republicans in an try to return to a bipartisan normalcy that isn’t potential,” Meyers mentioned, pointing to current remarks during which the president-elect predicted that “as Donald Trump’s shadow fades away, you’re going to see an terrible lot of change”.

“Don’t get me improper, after the final 4 years it will likely be good to have a president who’s optimistic,” Meyers mentioned. “However generally optimism can backfire. Biden’s like a soccer coach in a sports activities film who says to a participant, ‘you might be the smallest child on this staff however you’ve bought the most important coronary heart. Now you go present them what you are able to do!’ After which every week later he’s sitting subsequent to the hospital mattress saying, ‘Doc informed me you broke the leg in 50 locations, I didn’t even know that was potential!’”

“In relation to the Republican celebration, Donald Trump’s shadow isn’t just gonna fade away,” Meyers continued. “At the very least, not for a very long time. It in all probability gained’t even go away the White Home. I wouldn’t be shocked if even after he leaves it’s nonetheless there, wandering across the garden the place he used to scream-answer questions round a helicopter engine.”

Meyers additionally expressed contempt for Republican politicians, akin to Missouri Senator Josh Hawley, who referred to as for a bipartisan push to “restore religion within the election” after voters had been misled by the President and GOP allies’ baseless claims of voter fraud. “Discover how Republicans do that little rhetorical trick the place they declare that as a result of their voters assume the election was rigged, meaning we have now to revive religion in our elections,” he mentioned.

“In the event that they do assume the election is rigged it’s solely since you guys maintain telling them it’s rigged. You’re those inflicting this downside. You’ll be able to’t simply flip round and say you wish to remedy it. These guys are like financial institution robbers stuffing money in a duffel bag and saying, ‘By the best way, you need to actually get some safety cameras in right here.’”

Jimmy Kimmel

In Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel turned to Mike Pence and his spouse, Karen, who acquired a Covid vaccine on tv to display its security. “I assume the pondering is that if it’s ok for America’s first Karen, it ought to be ok for the remainder of them, too,” Kimmel joked. “That is thrilling for Mike Pence – getting vaccinated is the one time Mom ever does photographs with him.”

Pence’s public vaccination comes six months after he wrote a Wall Road Journal op-ed claiming there can be no second wave of the pandemic in America. “Perhaps save that dose for someone else,” Kimmel mentioned. “The one remedy Mike Pence ought to get proper now’s a bottle of Clorox and a warmth lamp.”

In the meantime, the mayor of Atlantic Metropolis, New Jersey has introduced an public sale for the prospect to explode Trump’s now-closed Plaza On line casino. The best bidder will press the button on the scheduled demolition subsequent yr – “we should always chip in and get this for Hillary Clinton, proper?” Kimmel joked. “In fact, the simplest option to make a Trump on line casino implode is simply to place Trump again in command of operating it once more.”

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