Late-night hosts speak the finish of Bashar Assad’s regime in Syria, the arrest of the alleged UnitedHealthcare shooter and Donald Trump’s newest inappropriate advert.
The Day by day Present
“We will usually get cynical concerning the state of issues on the earth,” mentioned Jon Stewart from his standard Monday night time perch on the Day by day Present. However the photos of Syrians celebrating on the street after rebels liberated the nation from the repressive, brutal Assad regime supplied one thing completely different: “a second in time of pure, unalloyed pleasure,” mentioned Stewart. “The delirious, virtually uncomprehending pleasure for a individuals celebrating a abruptly shiny and hopeful new future.”
Many Syrians world wide cheered the top of the 50-year rule of the “murderous, despotic Assad household” this weekend, “a end result that will’ve appeared incomprehensible even two weeks in the past”, Stewart defined.
“You understand it’s the true deal as a result of they sealed it with the common image of fallen dictatorships: the normal toppling of the statues,” he added. “They pulled them down with rope. They toppled the horse one! They knocked over the one the place Assad signaled subject purpose. They even paraded Assad’s head by way of the streets like a decapitated Charlie Brown within the Macy’s Day Parade.”
Stewart additionally checked in on the “incoming United States president and, I’m assuming, future statue haver” Trump, who visited Paris final weekend to proceed the “lengthy American custom of not ready for the inauguration to turn out to be president and head abroad and meet with allies and remind everyone how fucking bizarre he’s about shaking palms”.
On the reopening ceremony for Notre Dame cathedral, Trump sat subsequent to Jill Biden. “It was a uncommon second of conciliation that will’ve given this nation hope,” Stewart mentioned, “had it not been instantly been undermined by the returning president releasing an precise cologne belittling and sexualizing the second.”
The advert, promoting a “a perfume your enemies can’t resist!” marketed Trump’s cologne for $199 a pop.
“You received!” Stewart scolded. “You don’t must push merch anymore. I discover it laborious to imagine I’m saying this, nevertheless it’s beneath you.”
Seth Meyers
On Late Evening, Seth Meyers recapped Trump’s his first sit-down interview because the election. NBC’s Kirsten Welker requested him to reassure People that his insurance policies wouldn’t make issues worse. “I can’t assure something,” Trump answered. “I can’t assure tomorrow.”
“What?!?” requested Meyers. “Once you have been campaigning, you have been guaranteeing every part. ‘Costs will come down, America will likely be revered.’ And now that you simply’ve received, you’re coming off like an inspirational Instagram publish.”
“It’s not a terrific signal that the incoming president talks like a depressed existential thinker,” he added. “He feels like a personality from a French New Wave movie.”
“Trump abruptly can’t assure that his insurance policies received’t do the one factor he persistently promised to not do, and the one factor everybody mentioned they might do, and that’s for an apparent motive,” Meyers continued.
“Tariffs elevate costs. Everybody is aware of that,” he mentioned. “If you wish to argue that tariffs are essential to curtail overseas imports of stuff like vehicles or metal with the intention to enhance home manufacturing of these issues, then advantageous. However you’ll be able to’t argue they magically decrease costs once they do the alternative.”
Stephen Colbert
On the Late Present, Stephen Colbert acquired into the discourse across the shooter of the UnitedHealthcare CEO, Brian Thompson. On Monday, police arrested a person in Altoona Pennsylvania in connection to the homicide. Colbert wouldn’t say his title on air, however “his title is comically near Guido Casserole”, he mentioned.
“Basic unhealthy man mistake – fleeing to considered one of America’s funny-named cities,” Colbert added. “Police will at all times discover you instantly, whether or not it’s Altoona, Pennsylvania, Rancho Cucamonga, California or Sheboygan, Wisconsin.
“This story began tragic, after which it in a short time added bizarre as a result of when authorities initially launched safety pictures of the suspect, the web response was swift and sexy,” Colbert mentioned, referring to a shirtless picture on Mangione’s Twitter account. “You understand that man’s Italian, since you might grate parmesan on these abs.”
Colbert additionally touched on the top of the Assad regime in Syria, recognized for utilizing chemical weapons by itself individuals. “So it’s no shock that after he fled to Moscow, these individuals took to the streets, joyfully using a torn-down statue of Assad’s father like a parade float,” he defined. “Pleasure month is completely different there.”
In different information, Trump doubled down in a brand new interview on his promise to not solely pardon January 6 criminals, however put the prosecutors of these instances in jail.
“Nothing to see right here, people, he simply desires to jail his political opponents,” mentioned Colbert. “However hey, on the brilliant aspect, 13 years from now, perhaps rebels will likely be taking a enjoyable sleigh journey on a statue of him.”
Jimmy Kimmel
“That is going to appear like a joke we made up,” mentioned Jimmy Kimmel of Trump’s Notre Dame cologne advert. “This isn’t a joke we made up. This can be a actual commercial for the Donald Trump perfume line.”
“I suppose he had to make use of that image as a result of he doesn’t have an image of his personal spouse smiling at him,” Kimmel quipped.
“Let me simply restate one thing for you: he used a photograph taken inside Notre Dame cathedral to advertise his cologne,” he continued. “Say what you’ll about Donald Trump – he’s the one president in historical past who’s achieved that.
“And it’s vital to recollect, these are the official Trump fragrances,” he added. “To not be confused with the silent however lethal fragrances that he releases whereas flatulating himself to sleep in a courtroom setting.”
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